How Willing Are You To Be Unpopular?

As an adoptive parent-and a new one at that- I’ve had a steep learning curve. I’ve had to be willing to be unpopular with both my kids and (if need be) their friends.

All children are bombarded with negative messages from all media- including music and video games.

Because our children are adopted, they have extra sensitivities to many things that birth parents aren’t aware of and would have no reason to.

There’s one thing I’ve learned tho- all children at all ages are susceptible to all those negative messages hidden in music and video games.

I’m a lesbian, so no I’m not a religious nut. As a Developmental Trauma survivor, I am, however, keenly aware of how the unconscious mind works and how to change it, reach it and shift it. I teach Meditation systems to adults and children to help shift out of negative self-image and negative self- talk.

The children who need this the most, are the kids who are already self-harming through cutting or other negative self-harming activities. Cutting is a stress-relief. Kids who cut are super-stressed and completely misunderstood.

Here are some suggestions I have based on real-world experience. Although neither of our kids cut, they certainly have had other challenges. Everything I’m suggesting here, we do:

  1. Pay attention to your kids’ music choices and help them remove all negative or confusing songs from their playlist- READ THE LYRICS!! This can easily be done online. Every single genre of music-including rap and metal- have songs with meaningful and empowering lyrics. Do NOT listen to adult music with your kids- they won’t understand and you are not helping them in any way.
  2. Lose the shooter games. To me this is self-evident, but because we have a child who was abused as an infant and toddler we are more aware than most people how dark and aggressive games are damaging to children’s minds. There are millions and millions of games that are interesting, fun, silly and stimulating that are NOT violent, aggressive or negative. Do your homework. If you have a child already suffering with some form of anxiety, they NEED Positive loving messages.
  3. Use commonsensemedia.com before taking your kid to the movies. Pay attention to the messages.
  4. Limit recreational screen time and supervise screen time that is homework-related. My partner and I are total hard-asses when it comes to protecting our children’s minds. We do ZERO recreational screen time during the week. Only weekends and holidays.
  5. Learn a Positive Meditation system that uses Neurolingustic Programming so that as your kids are getting ready for bed, their bodies begin to relax and they start to feel safe as they drift off to sleep. This will make a HUGE difference in terms of limiting nightmares and improving quality of sleep
  6. Limit sugar- yes I said it. If your child is anxious, sugar and caffeine will keep them in a state of “fight or flight”. Especially if they are upset- do NOT add to it by soothing with sugar- use a protein snack like cheese. Save the ice cream for a weekend day or afternoon, when the kids are at the park or can “play it off”

I want so much for enough families to turn away from games like “fortnight” that are specifically and evilly target young children and making violence a fun game for them. Violence isn’t fun.

3 Things You Can Do Today to Feel Less Anxious

For anyone who is a Developmental Trauma Survivor, or has suffered with anxiety, anxiety is a given. It can feel completely hopeless to think it will ever go away because any trauma survivor, or anxious person, who’s had no help, has no hope. Here are three simple things that can, over time (no quick fixes) to help change your brain patterns out of “fight or flight” anxiety thinking, and into something much calmer and more relaxed

  1. Change the music you’re listening to: your brain is used to thinking obsessively which is why you get portions of songs stuck in your head. You can remember song lyrics from ages ago. You probably listen to depressing or angry music. I want to invite you to stop it. You’re keeping yourself in a stressed state. Music speaks to the unconscious mind. Start looking at the lyrics to the songs you’re singing. There are artists in every genre of music who have hopeful and/or positive lyrics.
  2. Meditate: science has proven that Meditation creates new neuropathways in your brain. To release your mind from obsessive, fear-based thinking, you need to be creating new pathways in your brain. Until you have new neuropathways, you will remain stuck. There are many different forms of Meditation-find one that is positive, calming and relaxing to lift you up.
  3. Breathe: fight or flight breathing is shallow and from the chest. As an ongoing pattern of breathing, you are literally not giving your brain enough oxygen. Practice taking slow deep breaths in through your nose and out of your mouth. Even 2 minutes a day can help!

About Heather M. McCrae, MEd

Heather worked for several years with at-risk children in the field of Special Education, with children in both Middle School and Pre-school. Since moving home to Canada in 2010, Heather focuses on working with adults, children, and trauma. She is the lead Ambassador to Canada for Mini Me Yoga, and is a Certified Healer in Jikiden Reiki, 7 Layer Aura Healing, and Life Activation. She is also a Developmental Trauma Survivor.

7 Habits of Traumatized People

Developmental Trauma is PTSD in children. The study of Developmental Trauma is about its long-term effects on individual adults over time.

  1. Everything is “on the run”– eating very quickly in the car, lots of fast food, no time to slow down- go go go. There’s always a reason everything had to be done yesterday
  2. Argument argument argument– about many many things, which is why relationships are near impossible. When you’re on the defensive all the time, you believe everything is a challenge to your integrity as a person, which always leads to the conclusion that the other person isn’t safe for you to be with or work for
  3. Always on the move– trauma survivors move a lot! Every 1-3 years, for some reason or other, they need to move. Staying in one place is dangerous
  4. Over-use of stimulants- caffeine and sugar in the correct doses, mimic the “fight or flight” response in the body, which is what a trauma survivor is most used to. There’s always a reason why more is necessary
  5. Vigilance- this is a key component of trauma- always being on your guard- moody, defensive, angry, anything to keep “the bad” away. This greatly effects sleep and relationships.
  6. Living like there’s no tomorrow- this is because in the traumatized brain, there is no tomorrow. This includes risky behaviours with sex, drugs, alcohol, money, anything that can be used for self-destructive purposes or “thrills”.
  7. Addiction to Drama- when you grow up in it, you perpetuate it. You unconsciously keep living out what you experienced. Peace makes you nervous

So what do you do now? There are long-term complications to your body because of the chemical reactions associated with “fight or flight”. When you’re in this state, your body doesn’t absorb nutrients or sugar properly. Everyone who doesn’t get help, gets sick. It’s just that simple.

Solutions:

  1. Meditation– yes. You have to change the way your brain is wired. You are wired to be stressed out
  2. Reiki and energy work– you need to get the trauma off your body
  3. Gentle exercise– not running or anything stressful- you’ll merely mirror fight or flight and it will be counter-productive. Look at things like Yoga and Tai Chi

About Heather M. McCrae, MEd

Heather worked for several years with at-risk children in the field of Special Education, with children in both Middle School and Pre-school. Since moving home to Canada in 2010, Heather focuses on working with adults, children, and trauma. She is the lead Ambassador to Canada for Mini Me Yoga, and is a Certified Healer in Jikiden Reiki, 7 Layer Aura Healing, and Life Activation. She is also a Developmental Trauma Survivor.

The Gym of the Soul

Inner Child Work is not for wimps! Nobody can do it for you. Think of working with me as going to the Gym for your Soul. Even writing this I’m rolling my eyes WITH you!

The Work we do together is really hard at first and, just like going to the Gym, you’ll be sore (inside) and won’t see Progress right away- or if you do, it will be a little bit.

BUT- if you are brave enough to stick with it, and keep going, you will slowly and gently see Miracles unfold that you never thought possible. These Miracles look different for everyone. For some people, the Miracle is being in a healthy relationship with someone who Truly can and does love you in a healthy way. For others it’s being able to face an abuser with Light in your eyes knowing they can’t hurt you anymore and knowing whatever garbage they’re slinging, you’re not reacting- to ANY of it: you’re standing tall and free:

I don’t make Promises about anything EXCEPT that if you stick with it, you will Heal. How loot it takes is up to you.

I’m here to help. What we can’t do together is pity parties. We can’t sit and stew. You’ve had years of that and so have I. What we CAN do is:

1. Meditate to change stuck brain patterns so you begin to think differently and more hopefully

2. Jikiden Reiki to move the Energy of the abuse off your body

3. Life Activation to give you a deep infusion of Light and Hope

4. Coaching- I will give you specific techniques for dealing with specific issues

When you’re ready, I’m here

Heather@heathermccrae.com

Coming In Out of the Cold

One of the most important things a trauma survivor can do is receive love and it is also the hardest.

If you grew up in chaos and had relationship modelled for you in a way that frightened you, you avoid the very thing that can save you.

When you meet someone how do you know they’re “the one” or the “right one”? Many of us go from one unfulfilling “relationship” to another because it’s safer than having to be authentically vulnerable and opening our hearts to receive Love from some who actually knows how to love us in a healthy way.

Here are some thoughts for you:

  1. If the person REALLY triggers you, in either a good way or a bad way, WALK AWAY. You are just going to have to trust me on this one. All that STUFF is just more drama
  2. If the person is authentically kind to you, TAKE YOUR TIME getting to know them. If they are good for you, they won’t hurry either
  3. You will want to jump heard-first into everything so you can dissect it all, get what you need, and take off before you get hurt. DONT DO THAT
  4. When you find someone good for you, you will test them. I’m not even going to tell you not to, but I AM going to tell you to apologize and recognize when you’re doing it
  5. Encourage them to read up on trauma so they can understand you
  6. Do your inner work. If you want this relationship, then act like it. Work on your issues in whatever way you do or can

You deserve Love and Peace and you don’t have to be alone to be safe. Come in from the cold, my friend