“Adults who suffer from developmental trauma may go on to develop Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or “cPTSD,” which is characterized by difficulties in emotional regulation, consciousness and memory, self-perception, distorted perceptions of perpetrators of abuse, difficulties in relationships with other people, and negative effects on the meaningfulness of life.” –Grant Hilary Brenner M.D.
In other words, if, like me, you suffered from abuse or some other form of trauma as a child, it doesn’t go away. It affects every aspect of your life. It will keep you from everything that you really wanted and needed because it’s still asking you to deal with it.
Are you still having flashbacks? Are you having panic attacks? Are you still single because you’re afraid of being in a relationship, or have you noticed your “picker” is broken ( you choose partners who are not emotionally available, or are selfish and abusive)?
The flashbacks and the panic attacks are your Soul’s way of getting your attention. You aren’t meant to live in fear anymore.
It’s so hard when you’re in it because what you think of as normal isn’t . It’s simply what you’re used to-the lack of sleep, all of it.
Here are some thoughts to consider:
- Get real and get honest- if any of what I’ve said is you, go and talk to a Professional.
- Don’t let shame keep you from getting the help you need. What happened “to you” all those years ago was NOT your creation. You didn’t cause it, you couldn’t control it and you could not cure it
- It is usual for a child or an adult child to feel tremendous guilt for either surviving the experience or being unable to have stopped it. I felt like this about my mother’s cancer. I felt incredible guilt that I couldn’t keep her alive- as if I even had the power to. Children have very different perspectives than adults as their brains are still developing.
- When you’re the survivor of an event or ongoing abuse or trauma of some kind, you live in a state of stress, anxiety and “fight or flight”. Your “emotional brain” shut down at whatever age the trauma occurred. This means you could be an adult who is 45, but emotionally you could be 3.
- Chances are, if you’ve survived developmental trauma and you haven’t sought treatment, you’ve moved around a lot. In the past ten years, how often have you moved for whatever reason?
- How many different job have you held over the past five years? Depending on your brain, you may have either been at the same job for years afraid to move, or may have changed jobs once a year or more often
You deserve stability and security. You do. Take a baby step. Look in the mirror and tell yourself the Truth. There is help to be had if you want Peace. Love yourself enough to get help.